Let's be honest. It was extremely hard to jump back on the IUI train after experiencing our biochemical pregnancy in September.
But, one month of not trying is potentially one less month we will have with our child. So we had to keep moving forward (plus, we're not getting any younger!).
If you read about IUI #5, you know Aunt Flo stormed in on Monday, September 6, a whole week late and more devastatingly than ever. This was emotionally exhausting––and even more so knowing that I would be starting hormones (yet again) on Wednesday.
It was hard to grieve our biochemical pregnancy and start another cycle all at once. Apparently, infertility is a selfish B and doesn't have feelings or wait for anyone/anything.
Another Cycle | Another Hormone Reaction
Did you know that the longer you're on hormones, the worse the side effects get? Just ask my husband. 😂
Seriously. This cycle was what nightmares are made of...
Night sweats (like, waking up each night at 3 a.m. absolutely drenched in sweat 🤮)
Day sweats (nothing like showering and trying to get ready to only look like you just washed your hair...plus with curly hair, the frizz gets out of control!)
My husband's jokes (usually, he's pretty funny but this time around his typical jokes just pissed me off, sorry husband)
Tears - lots of them (lost my computer charger, tears. Couldn't find anything to wear, tears. Trying to not lose my $h!T, tears. I mean, that may be an exaggeration, but it may also not be 🤷♀️)
Anxiety - through the effin' roof. (anxiety about work. anxiety about driving. anxiety about selling our house. anxiety about having anxiety)
Brian is a true saint. He feeds me chocolate and tells me I'm pretty and rubs my feet every night. I can't imagine going through this without him by my side.
Another Negative At-Home Ovulation Kit | Another Transvaginal Ultrasound | Another Trigger Shot
What would an IUI post be without a date to check the 'ol follicles?
The nurse who did this one told me I could stop doing the at-home ovulation kits since it hardly EVER shows a surge.
Thank GOD. One less stick I have to pee on.
Follicles looked great so we scheduled the IUI for the following day and went home so Brian could give me the trigger shot.
On the way home, Brian busted out laughing––I wanted in on the joke so I asked him what was so funny. You guys, this was his real response. We love each other so much 🤪
"Oh honey. I was just picturing myself jabbing the shot in your neck and you passing out like they do in the movies. That's all."
No need to be concerned, friends. Our relationship is strong and effortless because we try to make things fun (and, we don't take each other too seriously).
Another Vial of Sperm | Another IUI
We had our sixth IUI on September 21. Have I mentioned lately how grateful I am that Brian gets to come into the clinic now? It's so comforting having him in the room and holding my hand, rather than on a screen I'm holding above my head as he sits out in the parking lot on FaceTime.
The sperm counts were good, the trigger shot was doing its job and we were ready to make a baby!
But, my darn cervix was being a pain in the ass again and the nurse was having a difficult time getting it to cooperate, so the procedure itself was not the greatest.
Lying on a cold table with paper sticking to my sweaty bod; undressed from the waist down, legs in the stirrups and absolutely no modesty left; the nurse trying hard to get the speculum in the right spot so she can get to the cervix to insert the catheter so the sperm goes where its supposed to, all the while trying to make me more comfortable with small talk. Yes, this is what IUI days are made of.
0/10. Definitely would not recommend.
Another Two Week Wait | Another Incredibly Long 14 Days
It's another two week wait. I've sure I've mentioned this many times in the past, but these two week waits are one of my least favorite things.
Every time I go pee, I am afraid of what I might see.
Every "off" feeling I get, I wonder if I'm pregnant.
Every "what might be a period symptom" sends me deep in the throes of sadness.
Every night it takes forever to fall asleep because my mind won't turn off.
I stay as far away from people as possible because, ya know, COVID. I'm NOT getting the 'vid while I'm pregnant!!I
Another Year | Another Birthday
I turned 35 on Saturday, October 2. I wasn't looking forward to this birthday because at age 35 you fall into the "high risk" category for trying to get pregnant, but I guess a birthday is better than the alternative (dead).
Brian and I took a long weekend and got out of town––our little getaways serve as a break from reality/infertility.
This time we went to Custer, South Dakota to explore the Black Hills.
I wasn't supposed to test until October 5....you guys, I didn't even bring any pregnancy tests with me to SD. That is a HUGE win!!
But, the morning of my birthday, I received a devastatingly unwanted birthday gift: my period arrived early.
I was not pregnant.
This sixth time didn't take.
The hope we had from our previous biochemical pregnancy that the next try could be the one diminished very quickly.
What a rude birthday gift, universe.
Six IUI tries. That's a lot.
How many more will we do?
What is Plan B if Plan A doesn't work?
We're still figuring it all out, but we will keep you guys in the know.
I know a lot of you pray for us, so I thought I'd list some specific things to pray for:
Clarity in determining our next steps
Continuing strength to get through the next thing life throws at us
Joy. Infertility is all-consuming. I am struggling with finding any sense of joy in life at the moment.
A baby. A miracle. A clear path to get the sweet family we desire so terribly
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